I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
