I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
