I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
