Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
