Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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