I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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