Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
