so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
