i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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