I love black thongs
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
