I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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