i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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