u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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