is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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