CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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