i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
