I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
