I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
