Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
