i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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