we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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