Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
