I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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