Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
