I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ate ashes out of my bong
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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