If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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