i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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