My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
