y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
