Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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