I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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