you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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