my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
