Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
