You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
