6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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