I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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