Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need water and some morals
Couch. On fire.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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