so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
