guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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