We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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