I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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