apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
