Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
