My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
