it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
