You're my little dorito
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
