Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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