my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
