Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
