this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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