bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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