covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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