I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need water and some morals
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
