I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still dying that you shit outside
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
