Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
