love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
